Monday, June 18, 2012

The classical dilemma

It's actually surprising how a new member in your family could bring changes in your priorities.

All through my college, all I wanted in my life is to get a job and be independent. Now, for the first time I felt like sitting at home and play a house wife's role - cooking, cleaning, taking care of baby and all.. That's mainly because when I think about my baby I feel guilty.. Guilty that I leave her alone with a caretaker who is a nobody to her. When I get back I am so tired to sit with her and play. I feel sad and guilty that I am doing this. I think about my mom. She is a house wife and was a "full-time mom" to me. I love her for that.. She was there for me always, because of that I never missed her. Had she been a working mom, will my childhood be as happier as I was?

As soon as a girl is in her twenties people around her are busy trying to marry her off.
When she gets married, they are eager to hear the "good news"
After one year, if they still don't hear any "good news" they explain how important children are to a relationship.
When the girl finally decides to have baby and she has one, all these people just vanishes..
There is nobody to help her to bring up the child. She has to take care either all be herself, or resort to day-care, nanny or whatever if she is working.

Recently, I read an article in news paper which has done a research, on Bangalore women from IT industry postponing their motherhood plans.

The question was whether motherly feelings and emotions from woman are vanishing, because of over ambition. I believe a woman should have the liberty to decide when it's time for a child. Because motherhood is a duty, just like any other job. Can anybody work on two jobs at the same time? No, it requires a lot of time and energy and patience to bring up a child. One should not opt for it if she is unsure, not ready, or just thinks children will "grow up by themselves" or somebody else (like grandparents) will be there to take care of them.

I am not being an anti-feminist (I am not a feminist either), who believes that women are meant only to sit at home and do cooking or whatever they are thought to be good at conventionally. I am just thinking, what should a new mother do? She has her own ambitions and professional goals to attain, her freedom, independence. But from the baby's point of view. What wrong have they done to miss their mom? This must be classical dilemma every working mother undergoes.

"Part-time mothers" might justify that, their children might benefit from a better financial position later in their life because both of the family members are earning, better quality of education and a secure life. I justify to myself believing this: any way once they start their school, they are going to go away from mothers and all other persons they knew till then to new environment new people.

I am still confused. Its really hard when my daughter looks at you expecting you to hold her when I am  leaving her in her caretakers hands, she says Bye Bye, gives flying kisses, says "come early for lunch".
I hold back my tears and think "Is she happy?"

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